Still here. Hanging out. I broke down and bought a home doppler thingie and got to hear the heartbeat last week. Husband listened in Sunday night and it was "a moment." Pretty cool.
Feeling McRegret right now as I mistakenly read the side of my Quarter pounder tonight. Didn't stop me from eating all of it, and my fries. And Danny's 4 chicken nuggets that he didn't want. Need. McIntervention. Stat. Feeling McFat and McGrumpy.
So anyway, I hang out on this lovely infertility support site (not happy happy babydust land of FF, but the other one). Mostly I lurk, as I'm not sure where I fit in. There's a lot of hullabaloo over there about who counts as an IF "vet", if you're still a vet once you've "passed over" (their phrase, not mine), whether you should be allowed to speak to someone who hasn't "passed over" yet or not. There is lots of discussion about the bitterness, those who they mock or dismiss. You're dismissed if you've been lucky enough to have a child, because clearly there's no way you remember what it was like before you had your child, and while you're not quite the enemy, you're definitely sitting in the same section as the enemy now. The enemy being the "FERTILES." Because if you conceived on your own, you never have any issues in pregnancy, IF ladies are the only ones who have complications, IVF pregnancies are the only ones who have unexplained bleeding, FERTILES don't ever have these issues. (Gee, do you think that IF ladies maybe have more issues because there are some physical issues that led to the IF, that possibly could contribute to pregnancy complications? duh) I was moved to comment on a discussion about yoga with THE FERTILES. As in, oh my, how on earth could we practice prenatal yoga in the same room as people who couldn't possibly have ever been through something as debilitating as infertility, they'll be all cheerful and happy because they haven't suffered infertility, because I have the magical ability to detect whether someone went through ART or not, and I'm determined to hang on to my INFERTILE status for the rest of my life regardless of whether I've conceived or not, and hey, let me just ignore the fact that I'll be dismissed by my bitter brethren as soon as I give birth because I can't possibly understand. (okay, holy run on sentence there, sorry) I commented that in response to the original question, I'd taken prenatal yoga with my son, found it helpful, enjoyed it, recommend it, never felt different from any other pregnant ladies in the class. My comment was ignored in favor of scathing comments about happy happy joy joy FERTILES and how annoying it would likely be to take a class with them. I feel invisible amongst those ladies, but oh well. Not sure that's a club I want to be a member of.
I probably am not allowed to comment, but I'm just sick of this attitude. Yes I was bitter and jealous and desolate in the time period before I conceived Danny, but I also recognized that my fertility was just one part of who I was. I was not tempted to make it my identity. Or, well, maybe not my entire identity. At least not that I remember. Although, you know, I do have a kid now, so I can't possibly remember clearly. The yoga class thing just has really set me off. While I was an anxious neurotic mess while pregnant, it was because I was afraid something would happen to Danny and I'd lose him. Being pregnant was something I was incredibly grateful for. I felt like I'd joined a club I'd been wanting to join for a long time. And like I really belonged there, because damnit, I'd worked hard to get there. I don't remember (because I have a kid now, and that has caused amnesia) ever feeling a division between me and other people who were pregnant. Who was I to assume that they didn't have difficulties too?
And when I was moaning about all my difficulties getting pregnant again this time, my sister in law got pregnant. I was bitter. Boy was I bitter. Everything happens so easily for Husband's family, for Husband. I was the screw up, the only one who struggled. I was jealous and bitter. And then she got breast cancer. And I felt like I'd been kicked in the head for my selfishness. As if my negativity has somehow caused this very bad thing to happen to her. I was pretty sure that she'd have given anything to trade places with me, to be cancer free, to not be worrying that she was going to die and never see her second child.
And that pretty much cured me of my bitterness. I decided that everyone has something that they struggle with, and while I mourned with each RE that told me I'd never have another child, at least I didn't have breast cancer. Suddenly I felt lucky.
So now, no, I can't relate to these vets. I want to yell at them and tell them to get over themselves. But I can't, because my opinions don't count. I've crossed over to the other side.