argh!

So can I just say that I am going nuts? In 23 hours, give or take a half hour, I'll know. In 24 hours I'll either be hiding underneath a table, sobbing, at my RE's office (scaring the other patients) or I'll be skipping through the halls.

I really really know that I really really need to stop, but I took a few more pregnancy tets. I'd managed to take about a week off from them, but caved and bought some at the grocery store yesterday. They're not quite as dark as the others have been, so naturally I've decided that the baby has died. And that I'm okay with it, since a baby dying this early on means that something seriously was wrong with it, and I'd hate to have a baby suffer with something terminal or untreatable or miserable and have to be born to my dysfunctional self. And of course I'm lying with that. Not only do I not want my baby to die, but I don't want it to be sick and die, be sick, or die, in any combination of those words.

And I certainly feel pregnant, which would be the sickest joke of all if indeed the baby has died. I am peeing all the time, I feel slightly ill from about 11 am until bedtime (but thankfully no throwing up), and the girls feel like they weigh about 25 pounds each. Walking quickly is no longer even an option because OW.

I just looked back at my original post where I found out I was even pregnant, and I'm still amazed. I'm still not sure how this happened.

Please baby, can you be okay? If I had another good luck email to forward, that would be nice. That was the last thing I did before I took the original HPT and it sure worked out nicely then.